Do I stay or do I go – what are my choices?
By now you have decided for a variety of reasons that the workplace you are in is a toxic one. You may be working with bullies, being ostracized by colleagues, working in a negative environment, or finding yourself in constant conflict with your co-workers or supervisor(s). You may be suffering from stress related health problems as a result of the constant tension. Your confidence is eroding, you know you want and need to make a change. Thoughts similar to these are running through your head with the regularity of clockwork: “What should I do next?” “How do I go about making a decision?” “Do I stay with what I know and continue to be unhappy/ miserable, or do I leave? “ What are my choices?”
You need to work; your gut instinct is telling you that you don’t want to leap from the frying pan into the fire. It is a wise voice that you need to pay attention to while honoring the need to make a positive change in a thoughtful way.
A great starting place to help you decide what’s next for you is to focus on what is most important to you, to center and to ground yourself. A helpful way to do this is by defining your personal values and then taking the time to understand and appreciate how they instinctively guide all that you do.
According to Robert Townsend:
“Values are critical guides for making decisions. When in doubt, they cut through the fog like a beacon in the night.”
Values are deeply held beliefs of what is important to us; they act as guiding principles in our personal and work life. They are inherent in all that we do; we absorb them from our family as we grow-up, from society, life experiences, and the organization(s) in which we work. Our values may change as we grow, experience life, and ultimately as we become our authentic self. We use them as a yardstick to measure our success consciously or unconsciously in our work with teams, in partnerships, and in our workplace.
When we live and work according to our values we feel in balance,at peace with what we do and who we are, we are in integrity. When are forced to compromise our values either by individuals or situations we struggle to maintain our balance, we feel uncomfortable, and experience negative feelings.
Here is a simple exercise to help you define your values:
- Using an Internet search engine of your choice search for the term values. Any number of sites will appear with lists of values on them, pick one that appeals to you.
- Review the list of choices picking out the top 5 -7 values that resonate for you. Feel free to add any that are not be on the list but are important to you.
- If you find that you have selected more than 5-7 values you can narrow the field by asking yourself the question:if I had to choose between these, which one(s) could I not do without?
- Reflect on what your values mean to you. Then ask yourself the following questions:
- What have you discovered from this exercise in relation to your life and work situation?
- What does it cost you when your values are compromised?
- What are some simple actions can you take to live in harmony with your values personally and professionally?
- What supports or resources do you need to take those actions?
Supports and resources can take many forms including:honing your communication skills, becoming more comfortable having crucial conversations (see my blog: Conflict: an opportunity for a conversation about possibilities), talking with a Human Resources representative in your organization, or taking advantage of confidential employee counseling services if they are available to you.
Consider engaging the services of a Coach who specializes in partnering with individuals who are working within toxic environments and enabling them to thrive and survive as they work to shift the existing culture or choose to transition to a different environment.
Remember, you have choices and are in charge of your destiny! What actions will you commit to take to improve your workplace situation NOW?
Please Note: This blog is not intended to encourage you to quit your job, rather, to give you the information/tools to explore opportunities and support yourself as you decide upon your next steps.
